The Dangerous Animals Club by Stephen Tobolowsky

Author:Stephen Tobolowsky
Language: eng
Format: epub, mobi
Publisher: Simon & Schuster

WHEN I WALKED into Joan Potter’s intermediate scene study class the first day of my junior year, she almost had a stroke. She refused to look at me. She gave out scene assignments, omitting me. When she asked if there were any questions, I raised my hand. She ignored me and dismissed the class.

I got strange looks from the entire faculty for the rest of the day. Some were concerned. Some were confused. They double-checked their rosters. The next morning as I was leaving Theater History, the one class that was happy to have me, Hob came bustling up to me.

“I need to see you in my office. Now,” he said. Hob walked off, looking shaken. I followed him. We entered his office in silence. I sat down. He closed the door and sat across from me. He cleared his throat and tried to find the right words. “Stephen. The Professional Acting Program is not an option for you. It’s not what I want, but we can’t allow you in those classes. You have to understand that if we let you in after being removed from the program, we have no control over who gets admitted in the future. That’s the way it is. I’m sorry.”

I stared at Hob. I felt his pronouncement settle in the room like mustard gas on a World War I battlefield. I searched for the right words.

“Hob, I’m sorry. But your problems are of no concern to me. Who gets in or doesn’t get in to your program is none of my business. The way I see it, I pay you. You accepted my tuition money, so I pay your salary, and Joan Potter’s salary, and Jack Clay’s salary. So I will be in class. You have rules, but this is my life. I always wanted to be an actor. You people aren’t going to stop me.” I got up and stopped at the doorway. “Again, Hob. I’m sorry.”

I showed up the next day for class. Again, the teachers looked confused. Joan continued to ignore me. Over the next two months, I was never given an assignment. I was never called on in class. My tests went ungraded, my essays were returned unmarked. I still showed up. Some teachers looked at me with irritation. Some, like Joan Potter, only smiled and continued to shut me out. I was not cast in any plays my junior year.

Near the end of the semester Hob was waiting for me once more after first period. He nudged me into the men’s room. We stood at the urinals. Hob unzipped and started to pee. I was unsure of the proper etiquette so I unzipped, too, and joined him. It seemed like the only polite thing to do. He said, “I think she’s going to do something else.”

“What?”

“I don’t know. In the faculty meeting she asked what the requirement was to get someone removed from the school permanently. I told her two Unsatisfactories.”

“Hob, I don’t know what else I can do that’s unsatisfactory.

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